naughty stuff

I was watching Morning Joe on MSNBC this morning, and they had a bit on a very naughty billboard in Times Square. The billboard is advertising Calvin Klein jeans. The ad shows three men and one woman involved in what appears to be an orgy-type scene. One guy is laying on the floor and appears to be undoing his Calvin Klein jeans. One guy in laying on the couch with his shirt off and wearing Calvin Klein jeans. A woman, also without a shirt, is laying on top of that guy. She is wearing some Daisy Duke jean shorts. A third guy is sitting on the couch, without a shirt and wearing Calvin Klein jeans. He and the woman might be kissing. Not sure, their tongues are doing something to each other. Or maybe he is looking for his gum. Or trying CPR. Dunno. Is it porn in Times Square? How many people will buy Calvin Klein jeans after seeing that ad? How many NYC residents even look up at the ad? They are too worried about stepping in the loaf of #2 left on the sidewalk by the homeless guy. Will it adversely affect people in NYC? Nah, they probably see the real thing in Central Park or in the alleys between the buildings. Or similar stuff on cable television.

There are thousands of cattle in this country. You can see them when you travel along the highways. Cattle in the fields eating grass. Cattle in the fields standing around chewing their cud. Cute little calves running around. It's great fun to drive down the interstate and check out the animals in the fields. It's a shock, however, to be looking at the calves and then suddenly see... bovine porn. That's right. Bovine porn. Right there in the middle of an open field. Two bovines makin' bacon. Why in the middle of the field? Where do they think they are? Times Square? Get behind a tree for Pete's sake. How do people traveling with their kids explain that? "Daddy, why is that cow climbing on the back of that other cow? Are they wrasslin'?" "Yes, honey. That one cow is trying to do a belly to back suplex like those guys do on WWE." How do you tell your kids that is bovine porn? It's too late to avert their eyes at that point. Not only do we have to worry about ozone depletion caused by bovine flatulence, now we have to worry about exposing ourselves and our kids to bovine porn. If I want to watch animal porn, I'll tune in to Animal Planet or the Discovery Channel. There is only one thing to do about this. Eat more hamburgers. It's a race to eat beef faster than the beef can make more beef. I'm thinkin' it's a losing battle. We'll die of clogged arteries or skin cancer (remember that ozone thing?) before those dreaded bovines stop bumping uglies in the pasture and perpetuating their species. Maybe the answer is to stare straight ahead whilst traveling the highways. There is naughty stuff happening in the fields and on the billboards. Aren't we distracted enough trying to send text messages while driving anyway? hee hee.