A Few Funnies

Riddle: John's mother had four children. The first was April, the second was May, the third was June. What was the name of her fourth child? (answer below)

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In rememberance of a previous blog entry about an early morning deposit on the parking lot outside my office, thought this joke was appropriate (hee hee):

A slice of pizza is in the stomach, waiting to be digested. Suddenly, a shot of whiskey barrels down. The pizza lets it pass in front of him. A few minutes later, another shot of whiskey comes through. Courteously, the pizza lets it pass in front of him, too. A few minutes later, a third shot of whiskey tumbles into the stomach. The pizza asks they whiskey, "What's going on up there?" "They're having a really great party", says the whiskey. "Really? responds the pizza. "I think I'll go up there and take a look".

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"He's great on the court," a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in a interview with his coach. "But how's his scholastic work?" "Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach. "Wonderful!" said the sportswriter. "Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."

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Martin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the job center he was offered work at the local Zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how Martin was getting on and found him standing by an empty enclosure. "Where are the tortoises?" he asked him. "I can't believe it" said Martin "I just opened the door and then.....Whooooosh!"

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A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray."And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus,you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

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Q. Why is an ugly girl like a bedspread? A. They both get turned down at the end of the night.

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Q. Can you name eleven parts of the human body which are only three letters long? A. Ear, eye, lip, jaw, toe, leg, arm, gum, hip, rib & tit.

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Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.' Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having SEX would surely be asking for trouble. 'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the Church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.' She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if the effin' ice cream truck hadn't come along.'

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Answer to the riddle: John.

Have a good day.